In an era defined by constant digital connection, a distinct behavioral pattern termed “fawning” has emerged as a predominant coping mechanism among Generation Z, signaling a profound struggle with people-pleasing tendencies. This response, often rooted in an intense concern over perceived disapproval from others, particularly manifests in online interactions where validation is perpetually sought.
Therapist Meg Josephson highlights that many of her Gen Z clients frequently grapple with the apprehension that individuals are “mad” at them, a worry amplified by the pervasive nature of social media and digital communication. These platforms, while connecting, also create an environment ripe for misinterpretation and heightened anxiety.
The intricate web of online life significantly magnifies the feeling of rejection, simultaneously offering countless avenues for seeking external validation. This dynamic traps many Gen Z individuals in an incessant cycle of approval-seeking, constantly monitoring digital cues for reassurance regarding their social standing and relationships.
Unlike previous generations, whose interactions were largely confined to in-person meetings, letters, or phone calls, Gen Z navigates a landscape where every digital interaction can be a source of anxiety. An unliked Instagram photo, a crush leaving a DM unread, or friends posting a Snapchat without inclusion can trigger feelings of abandonment and a desperate need for reassurance.
At its core, the fawning response is a deep-seated need for external validation to feel secure, a self-protective pattern developed to manage others’ moods and mitigate perceived threats to relationships. This behavior, though often unconscious, reflects a learned vigilance designed to ensure one’s safety within social circles.
While social media offers platforms for identifying with shared struggles, it also paradoxically risks solidifying self-perceptions as permanent personality traits rather than temporary coping mechanisms. Josephson cautions against excessive outsourcing of emotional support, specifically warning about the potential pitfalls of relying on artificial intelligence for such sensitive needs.
Critically, the tendency to people-please is not an immutable characteristic but rather a learned pattern that can be unlearned. By recognizing fawning as a self-protective response from a younger, more vulnerable part of oneself, individuals can begin to shed this identity and understand that constant vigilance over others’ moods is no longer necessary for their well-being.
The journey to overcoming this pattern involves shifting focus from external reassurances to internal resilience. Even when faced with uncertainty about others’ feelings, the crucial difference lies in the individual’s subsequent actions, choosing self-trust and healthy boundaries over desperate attempts to appease.
